It's not what you think. I promise.
This is intended as a two part blog.
Part A] Being an 'Aha' moment.
Part B] Being helpful tips.
This morning I was thinking to my self 'I need to fix [the kids'] breakfast... Uhg, I haven't done anything today!'
Then I stopped and really thought about that.
Here's how my morning really went:
Got
woken up by my 21 month old daughter slapping me in the face with a
tissue that she had just used to wipe her nose [GAG!!] 'Here ya go!',
got up, changed her diaper and put clothes on her. Brought her into the
living room to play with her toys and watch PBS, got her a cup of milk.
Turned on the laptop and checked FB, personal and business pages. Spoke
to State Farm 4 different times. Went to the kitchen to make the kid
some breakfast. Simultaneously, did dishes, cleaned up the kitchen,
cleaned out the fridge, made coffee in a french press and spoke to State
Farm off and on. And as I was wrapping up those things I realized I
hadn't fixed my daughters breakfast yet and I instantly berated myself
for not getting anything done yet...
What the fuck, women? Why do we do that to our selves?
I think a lot of guys out there probably feel like their wives/girlfriends/moms are lazy. Like they really don't do much of anything. They probably think, 'She even admits that she doesnt do much, so I'm not an ass for thinking so'.
Example: Guy: 'Hey, babe. What'd you do today?'
Woman: 'Uhh, nothin, really.'
Unfortunately, it is probably a little bit our own fault. Its not that we don't do anything, its that we are so harsh on ourselves! Our internal dialog is so down on ourselves that we genuinely feel we aren't doing as much as we should. And that translates into the cosmos as 'I didnt do shit today', then we are so upset with ourselves for 'not doing anything' that other people pick up on it and pile the guilt right back on us, even if they dont mean to or even realize they are doing it. If you think badly of yourself, others are going to think badly of you.
One of the biggest differences in men and women is that woman don't tend to count the 'have to' things as 'things done' where as men tend to tally every single thing they do.
Though when we dont get the 'have to' things done, we give ourselves absolute hell for it! ...What?
Women get up, change diapers, fix breakfasts, clean up, grocery shop and do the dishes because those are things that just need to be done and we don't give ourselves credit for doing those things. Then we judge ourselves only on the 'extra' chores that we accomplish. So, when someone asks us 'What'd you do today?' We have a bad habit of answering with 'Ehh, not much' Either because to us we really didn't do much or because we see it as doing a whoooole bunch of little things not worth mentioning, or we are to tired from all we did to bother mentioning them all.
Well, guess what, you are important, everything you do is important. Even if you do it in your jammies!
I hope by now you are going ohhhhh.... Damn.
Now for Part Two: Change the pattern.
How can you expect people to have respect for you when you dont have respect for yourself? Women have GOT to stop making other people validate their worth. Worthiness begins with Self respect.
Change the Dialog.
Stop telling yourself you are not good enough.
Stop telling yourself you are not pretty enough.
Do not tell yourself you aren't thin enough.
Do not tell yourself you arent smart enough.
or strong enough.
You. Are. Worth. It.
Here's a little tip to help remind you of everything you do in a day.
You know how women are like the Terminator, when we get up in the morning and walk through the house we see everything that needs to be done. It all scrolls through our minds and builds up this list of To Do's. We bog ourselves down with, crap that needs done before we even get woken up good.
Instead of writing out [or having jumbled up in your head] this big ole to do list for the day make a 'To Done' list. Actually write it down. [Tip: Get a dry erase board and put it in the kitchen or living room, where ever you pass through the most often] Write down everything you do.
-Woke up.
-Changed diaper
-dressed baby
-dressed self
-entertained baby
-made coffee
-fixed breakfast
-while doing dishes
-woke up significant other
-fed baby
-fed self
-read emails
-replied to emails
-woke up other kids
-got them ready for school
-got them on the bus/drove to school
-grocery shopping
See where I'm going with this?? See how much 'stuff' got done before the first thing you would have normally considered 'accomplished' ?
You could even split the dry erase board down the middle write To Done on one side and To Do on the other. On the To Do side write the stuff you would normally consider the important stuff/the 'List' for the day; Shopping, Paying Bills, Vacuuming, laundry, dishes, cooking ect. On the other side, write in all the stuff you actually do through out the day. I mean, shit, thats a full list even for those who don't have a 'job' [be that in or out of home]; tack on being out of the house 8-12 hours a day for your job, even more if you are also a student [in class or on-line] and you are living a 28 hour day!
Do this for a week and see how much better you feel about yourself, see how much better those around you start to treat you, when you start treating yourself like you are worth it.
Side note: if your husband/boyfriend makes some smart ass remark about why you're writing all this 'menial' stuff down, I wouldn't blame you if you whopped him with a frying pan. Then explain to him that you are trying to make yourself feel better about you and that it has not a damn thing to do with him and that if he cant support you, then he knows where the door is ;)
[Disclaimer: Don't really hit him, I dont want anyone going to jail. But, do explain that you are doing this because you need to feel better about you.]
If hes still an ass, maybe its time to evaluate your relationship, but thats a whole nother blog entry.
Watch this video. Everyday.
Even if you aren't religious, just listen to the message. Change 'God' to nature/the planet/fate, whatever works for you.
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